The RCMP desk sergeant had a big grin on his face as he folded the morning paper away.
' What are you so happy about? ' asked the corporal.
'Well', answered the sergeant. 'The K9 division thought up a new trick. If you arrest some subjects and they sit down quietly, it's not much fun. So you sort of sidle up near one, so your dog- whose all excited- can leap on him and bite his leg. Then you act all surprised and say "oops".
'Good one', said the corporal.
'It gets better', the sergeant continued. ' You make a contest of it. The next K9 guy sidles up near his suspect who's also sitting quietly, and he lets his dog 'accidentally' bite that subject right on the head!'
"Fantastic !' the sergeant and corporal laughed as they high fived.
006) The Judge and the Drunk Mountie
'Holy mackeral', breathed the RCMP desk sergeant as he put the morning paper aside.
Glancing over, the corporal glimpsed the headline:
Judge orders counselling for Mountie | The Chronicle Herald
Glancing over, the corporal glimpsed the headline:
Judge orders counselling for Mountie | The Chronicle Herald
"Curative discharge set for impaired conviction
BRIDGEWATER — An RCMP officer who has admitted she is an alcoholic was handed a curative treatment discharge Tuesday for an impaired driving conviction, the second such charge to be laid against her.
That means Catherine Frances Mansley will have no criminal conviction if she abides by her probation conditions for the coming year.
"I do recognize that this is not something of your choosing. Your career is of your choosing and, hopefully, it will continue," Judge Gregory Lenehan of Bridgewater provincial court said... "
' "Curative Discharge", eh?' asked the corporal.
'It's a new one on me too', answered the sergeant. 'I don't know whose crazier, the judge or the drunk.'
' I see how the drunk is crazy for getting caught twice, but how is the judge crazy?,' asked the corporal.
'He should have kept that 'Curative Discharge' idea in reserve for something important that people aren't so used to.'
That means Catherine Frances Mansley will have no criminal conviction if she abides by her probation conditions for the coming year.
"I do recognize that this is not something of your choosing. Your career is of your choosing and, hopefully, it will continue," Judge Gregory Lenehan of Bridgewater provincial court said... "
' "Curative Discharge", eh?' asked the corporal.
'It's a new one on me too', answered the sergeant. 'I don't know whose crazier, the judge or the drunk.'
' I see how the drunk is crazy for getting caught twice, but how is the judge crazy?,' asked the corporal.
'He should have kept that 'Curative Discharge' idea in reserve for something important that people aren't so used to.'
005) The Blonde and the Blonde
'Have you seen that cute new 19 year old blonde they transferred in last week from cadet camp?' the desk sergeant asked the corporal.
'Ya, they started her out on traffic detail,' confirmed the corporal. ' I heard yesterday she pulled over another blonde who was going 60 in a 50 km zone. Our blonde asked for the other blonde's driver's license but the driver couldn't find it in her purse. Finally she said to our blonde, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Our blonde started getting irritated, but she's still new, so she was patient. Instead of reaching for her tazer she said 'You dummy, it's got your picture on it!'
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and finally found a small mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to our blonde. Our blonde looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
'Well,' said the sergeant, 'that's good. Our blonde got off to a good start. You never know when you might need a favour from another cop.'
'Ya, they started her out on traffic detail,' confirmed the corporal. ' I heard yesterday she pulled over another blonde who was going 60 in a 50 km zone. Our blonde asked for the other blonde's driver's license but the driver couldn't find it in her purse. Finally she said to our blonde, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Our blonde started getting irritated, but she's still new, so she was patient. Instead of reaching for her tazer she said 'You dummy, it's got your picture on it!'
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and finally found a small mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to our blonde. Our blonde looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
'Well,' said the sergeant, 'that's good. Our blonde got off to a good start. You never know when you might need a favour from another cop.'
004) Hell no....
'Hey Sergeant?' the RCMP corporal asked as he put down the newspaper, 'What does 'net zero' mean?' 'It means, if a particlar government service- like education for instance- wanted to give a raise to teachers, it would have to take the money from somewhere else- like school buildings- because the government isn't going to put any more money in that particular service than it did the year before,' answered the desk sergeant. "Does 'net zero' apply to us?" the corporal asked. 'Hell no, of course not.' the Sergeant answered. 'Teachers with four years university start out at $47,500. with $15,000 in university debts. With a grade 12 diploma, after six month paid cadet training and six months on the job we start at $62,500.'
'That's totally unfair,' marvelled the corporal. 'I know', said the desk sergeant. 'That's why we get a raise and they don't.'
Alternate punch-line: 'I know, but the government might order us to crack the heads of teachers or some other shit-disturbers at a demonstration some day, and they have to pay us enough to make sure we don't refuse,' said the sergeant.
'That's totally unfair,' marvelled the corporal. 'I know', said the desk sergeant. 'That's why we get a raise and they don't.'
Alternate punch-line: 'I know, but the government might order us to crack the heads of teachers or some other shit-disturbers at a demonstration some day, and they have to pay us enough to make sure we don't refuse,' said the sergeant.
003) The wall shooters
The desk sergeant was "tsk tsk"ing as he folded the morning paper away. "What was in there?" the corporal asked, quoting the phrase and mimicking the dog voice in the Clark the Dog video.
"Well. all I can say," the sergeant answered- giving the corporal a dirty look for his early morning levity- "the people of Williams Lake better hide their daughters away quick."
"How come?" asked the corporal, interested.
"Well, that member who was shooting up his house last week- probably just trying to shoot apples off his wife's head- has been suspended" the sergeant said sadly, "and he'll probably get posted to Williams Lake like our last wall-shooter, who beat a teenaged girl up there to a total bloody pulp in the back of his cruiser."
"Harsh!" moaned the corporal.
The sergeant considered this seriously for a moment and then replied "Well, 'harsh' might be a bit strong. They'll issue him a fur hat for winter, and it's pretty nice country up there in summer."
"Well. all I can say," the sergeant answered- giving the corporal a dirty look for his early morning levity- "the people of Williams Lake better hide their daughters away quick."
"How come?" asked the corporal, interested.
"Well, that member who was shooting up his house last week- probably just trying to shoot apples off his wife's head- has been suspended" the sergeant said sadly, "and he'll probably get posted to Williams Lake like our last wall-shooter, who beat a teenaged girl up there to a total bloody pulp in the back of his cruiser."
"Harsh!" moaned the corporal.
The sergeant considered this seriously for a moment and then replied "Well, 'harsh' might be a bit strong. They'll issue him a fur hat for winter, and it's pretty nice country up there in summer."
002) The RCMP Desk Sergeant asked the corporal...
The RCMP desk sergeant asked the corporal, "Did you see where that guy sucker-punched the bus driver in the face and the judge let him off because he's an Indian?"
"Ya, I saw that. Used to be only we could do that."
They mulled this sad state of affairs over in their minds, and then the sergeant cheered up.
"Don't worry." he said to the corporal. "We've got a guy whose an RCMP and an Indian, and he got away with murder, twice."
"Ya, I saw that. Used to be only we could do that."
They mulled this sad state of affairs over in their minds, and then the sergeant cheered up.
"Don't worry." he said to the corporal. "We've got a guy whose an RCMP and an Indian, and he got away with murder, twice."
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